st4rm41d:

serotnin:

serotnin:

how come you only become aware of how tipsy you are in bathrooms

iconic post

guerrillatech:

funnytwittertweets:

magical-girl:

you ever been 2 seconds from a psychotic break because you cant get a necklace hooked

gyarurun:

jughell:

remember twilight and how edward and bella couldn’t do it bc edward was afraid he’d fuck her to death?

i remember bella willing to die for the dick

funnytwittertweets:

dingdongyouarewrong:

dingdongyouarewrong:

as a Certified Germaphobe i really think the west should really adopt the trend of wearing face masks when they’re sick tbh

shit fuck i’m so sorry i’m so sorry i’m so

skellydun:

????? march ?????? again ??????

geniusoflove:

me n my wife r about to sign the divorce papers until she spots my epic fishie slides n starts sucking me off right there

cottagecore:

ribcage-flutes:

cottagecore:

oh to be a chunky orange farm cat 

I HAVE A CHUNKY ORANGE FARM CAT

his name is bathtub

oh i love bathtub

your-local-salty-bitch:

we-should-sea-otter-people:

feministism:

find your birth year and that is the percentage of your life that the U.S has been at war

holy shit

prismatic-bell:

beowulf22121:

notvoid:

This dude that works at my local taco bell says “tacotastic” and when i asked for a chalupa he said “beef steak or chicken which are you pickin”

I asked for as many fire sauces he could give me and he said “sure i dont pay for it” and the first time i saw him we asked if he was doing ok and he said “no i work here”

I asked my taco bell dude how he was and he said “kickin like a ninja”

We may live near the same taco bell.

“No, I work here” is the correct response.

Source: it’s been six years. I am desperate to get out of food service.

ofmissing:

“friendly reminder we should not colonize mars 😌" What do you think i’m gonna be able to do about it. Do you think i personally am going to colonize mars